No, what they have is “the ability to be incredibly phony, while sober.”
There, I said it. I’ve lain the gauntlet down. I’m sick of hearing from friends who have the misfortune of Southern upbringings that they, unlike us New Yorkers, have “manners” or are somehow “nicer”. I’ve had enough experience with them at this point to know that it’s just a last-defense line of self-flattery, since lord knows they can’t claim industriousness, appreciation of diversity, or a (relatively) enlightened political culture.
You see, friends, I’ve noticed something. Southerners will act very polite in public, while sober, and do their best to avoid offense, and even attempt schoolmarm-like correction of others’ discourtesies or rudeness. They will claim to be your friend, to sympathise with your troubles, and want to remain friendly and in touch.
We all know, that just like a studio executive in L.A. it’s all a front. They never have the intent to follow up with you, they care no more for you than for the housekeeper they yell at on the weekends, and they certainly don’t give two shits for your troubles.
While a New Yorker (or, indeed, most northeasterners) would simply tell you such, up front, as a courtesy to your valuable time; you must wait to see the Southerner betray you, ignore you, or avoid their commitment to you. Or wait until they’re drunk. Then just watch as their promise to buy you a round of drink evaporates, their feigned interest in you, as a friend or romantic prospect, gets forgotten in favor of someone even less of interest, but clearly better than you… and wait as they eventually concede that all of their phoniness, all of their lies, are just in service of this charade they call “southern hospitality”.
Sorry, you degenerate sub-human quasi-Americans who owe your entire modern existence to Northern air conditioning technology and taxes spent on highways: you don’t have manners. What you have is a culture of lies and phoniness… and some of us think honesty really IS the best policy. So, suck it.
